GROVE CITY, OH — Residents of Grove City were once again in the presence of staggering intellect Thursday morning as 24-year-old Bryce T. rolled through town in his 2009 Dodge Charger, broadcasting bass so loud it dislodged a school crossing sign and at least two memories.
Witnesses confirmed that the music could be heard three intersections away — a clear indicator that Bryce was on his way to perform emergency brain surgery, present groundbreaking AI research, or possibly negotiate world peace.
“You don’t turn it up that loud unless you’re working on something huge,” said commuter Helen F., who now has a gentle, permanent rattle in her rearview mirror. “I assume he’s curing blindness, or translating Einstein to Urdu. Either way, the world needs him.”
Locals report that Bryce’s mental capacity is so vast it requires near-constant subwoofer stimulation to prevent spontaneous telekinesis. One eyewitness described him calmly parallel parking with one hand while the other sketched a new map of consciousness on a napkin.
“He’s not like us,” said one man, wiping away a tear. “He’s thinking thoughts we can’t even imagine.”
At press time, Bryce was last seen slowly cruising down Parlin Drive, music thundering, head nodding — likely reviewing surgical techniques or composing his fourth Nobel acceptance speech in his mind.
