GROVE CITY, OH — In a rousing display of modern irony, local resident Kelly M. logged onto Facebook Thursday evening to deliver a scathing monologue about the evils of giant corporations, moments before tagging three friends and checking Marketplace for discounted patio furniture.
“I just think it’s disgusting how these big companies exploit people and take over communities,” Kelly typed, her fingers smudged with Raising Cane sauce. “We all need to stand up and support small business.”
The post was delivered via an app owned by Meta Platforms, Inc., a $1 trillion conglomerate that quietly vacuumed up all of Kelly’s browsing data before she finished her third sentence. Within minutes, her timeline filled with targeted ads for handmade soaps and questionable supplements.
Friends quickly weighed in with supportive comments like “SO TRUE” and “Corporate greed is OUT OF CONTROL,” while ignoring the irony that their entire conversation was being monetized in real time.
Kelly later clarified in a follow-up comment that Facebook “doesn’t count” as one of the bad corporations because “it’s just how I stay connected,” adding that she had “thought about leaving but didn’t want to lose her photo albums.”
At press time, Kelly was seen sharing a “Shop Local” meme over a backdrop of the Starbucks she was sitting in, occasionally refreshing her notifications to see if the algorithm had blessed her with validation.