GROVE CITY, OH — In a powerful act of technological defiance, local resident Cheryl B. opened Facebook this morning and asked her 436 friends, “How are the roads?"— mere seconds after silencing a Google Maps notification that literally read, “Crash on 270. Expect delays.”
“I just like to hear it from real people,” Cheryl said confidently, while ignoring her car’s in-dash alert system, her smartwatch’s haptic warning, and the sound of tires spinning outside her window. “Plus, you never know with Google. Sometimes it exaggerates.”
Sources confirm that Cheryl posted her inquiry at 7:04 AM, then immediately commented on her own post: “I need to leave by 7:10, any updates??” She received three replies within minutes:
- Brenda said “still bad” but didn’t specify what “bad” meant,
- Someone named “TruckDoug1984” replied “never trust the plows,” and
- A woman named Carol commented “prayers 🙏.”
When asked why she didn’t just check the map app on her phone, Cheryl said, “Because once I used it, and then TikTok immediately knew I was at Cracker Barrel. Explain that.”
Meanwhile, her phone—capable of processing real-time GPS data from thousands of vehicles, satellites, and street sensors—quietly wept in her purse.
At press time, Cheryl was reportedly stuck behind an overturned salt truck on 665 and had posted, “Why doesn’t anyone ever say where the accidents are??” as her car’s dashboard flashed ‘Accident Ahead’ in three languages.
