GROVE CITY, OH — Residents in favor of bringing marijuana dispensaries to Grove City say it’s time the town embraced a bold new aroma to complement its existing landfill bouquet.
“Right now it’s all hot trash and mystery broth,” said local advocate Shane P., lighting a citrus-scented candle under his nose. “Adding skunk weed could turn this into a total smell disaster.”
Opponents argue that dispensaries would only worsen the town’s olfactory profile, which currently ranks somewhere between burning mulch and expired hoagie depending on wind direction.
“I already have to smell Tuesday’s diapers every Thursday morning,” said Denise R. in a 19-paragraph Facebook post. “Now you want to add a portable Grateful Dead concert to the mix?”
Supporters point out that dispensaries would bring tax revenue, jobs, and the chance for Grove City to finally become Ohio’s Leading Producer of Unexplainable Smells, narrowly edging out Newark.
City officials remain divided. Councilman Jerry H. says he’s “not opposed to cannabis in principle,” but fears the combination of weed, trash, and rotting chipotle bowls could create “a scent-based portal to hell.”
At press time, a petition titled “Let Grove City Stink With Purpose” had gathered 238 signatures, three whiffs, and one person who asked, “Wait, are we still talking about weed or Speedway bathrooms?”