GROVE CITY, OH — Tensions reached moderate levels of inconvenience this week as several drivers reported having to tap their brakes slightly due to a golf cart driving legally and peacefully on a neighborhood road.
“I was on my way to pick up a mobile order at Wendy’s,” said resident Kyle M., visibly shaken, “and I had to slow down from 34 to, like, 28. It was chaos. My Frosty window was in danger.”
Golf cart owners, meanwhile, say they’re just trying to get to the grocery store, softball games, or the mailbox without firing up a full-blown SUV.
“I get it,” said longtime cart driver Linda F., gesturing to her patriotic red-white-and-blue Club Car. “Sharing the road with something that tops out at 19 mph is deeply offensive to people trying to make it from one stop sign to the next at NASCAR speeds.”
Opponents have taken to Facebook to express their fury in full caps lock, describing the experience as “unconstitutional,” “harrowing,” and “probably illegal somehow.”
Supporters, however, argue that golf carts are environmentally friendly, practical for short errands, and statistically no more dangerous than a teenager in a Dodge Dart with a spoiler and questionable judgment.
At press time, one local man was seen dramatically swerving around a golf cart with 40 yards of open road ahead of him, then immediately posting on Facebook: “These things are out of control.”
The golf cart, meanwhile, continued its suspiciously peaceful journey toward Dollar General, endangering no one but the fragile pride of a community that believes every second behind the wheel should be a high-speed chase.
