GROVE CITY, OH — Local man Gary M., 58, once again expressed outrage this week after being mildly inconvenienced by the exact experience he willingly chooses every single day.
“There were only two people working,” Gary barked into his steering wheel. “Back in my day, you had five kids on the grill, three on the register, and at least two adults with master’s degrees as managers. That’s how you run a restaurant.”
Gary was reportedly enraged that his $7 meal, prepared in under ten minutes by a teenager wearing a paper hat and trying to get through the week, was “not even hot enough to burn my mouth.”
Sources say Gary frequently complains about slow service, cold fries, and “hamburgers never looking like they do in them commercials,” but has no plans to stop eating at fast food restaurants six times a week.
When asked why kids today won’t “just work,” Gary offered insight:
- “They’re addicted to screens.”
- “They don’t want to suffer like I did.”
- “Also, where’s my ketchup?”
Gary later admitted he didn’t know what minimum wage was (“like, five bucks?”) but insisted “it’s not about the money, it’s about work ethic and bootstraps and blah blah blah” before drifting off into something about honor.
At press time, Gary had pulled into the same drive-thru, ignoring the greeting of the employee, ordered the same combo by saying “Give me the number 1”, and began preparing emotionally to be angry again.
“Still better than cooking,” he muttered. “And my righteous anger makes it taste better.”
