SOUTHWEST BLVD — Residents were both delighted and deeply confused Thursday morning when a rogue alpaca was spotted loitering near Big Splash, calmly chewing grass and giving off what witnesses described as “weirdly chill energy.”
“I thought it was a really hairy deer at first,” said local dad Kevin B., who spotted the alpaca while trying to avoid eye contact at swim lessons. “Then it made eye contact with me like I was the intruder.”
The animal, described as “slightly majestic but also giving side-eye,” appeared to have no particular agenda, ignoring attempts to lure it with granola bars, garden hoses, and one very committed kid offering half a corn dog.
Grove City Animal Control arrived on the scene but quickly gave up after the alpaca trotted in slow circles for 20 minutes, then sat down and began watching clouds.
“We’ve named him Gary,” said Officer Tanya P. “He’s not hurting anyone, and honestly, his presence has cut down on complaints at Big Splash by about 40%.”
Locals have taken to leaving snacks and compliments for Gary, who has now developed a modest fan base and one parody Instagram account.
As of press time, Gary had wandered into the parking lot of the nearby rec center and was reportedly staring at a vending machine as if pondering the futility of modern snack selection. Police have asked residents to stop trying to ride him.