COLUMBUS, OH — Patients awaiting their appointments were treated to an unplanned soundscape Tuesday when a woman’s phone erupted with a ringtone described by witnesses as “somewhere between a car alarm and a wounded smoke detector.”
Despite the piercing sound filling the room, the woman in question appeared committed to her performance of complete ignorance. She continued flipping through a six-month-old People magazine, eyes locked on an article about Ben Affleck’s coffee habits, while her phone blared from deep within her purse.
“She looked right at it, then looked away, then pretended to be super interested in the carpet pattern,” said fellow patient Mark J. “We were all just staring at her like, please, for the love of God, end this.”
The ringtone persisted for a full minute before mercifully going to voicemail, leaving behind a silence so thick one man reportedly coughed just to break it.
Reached for comment, the woman explained, “Oh, was that mine? I didn’t even notice.” Eyewitnesses confirmed this was a lie, noting she actually shifted her bag twice to muffle the sound.
Sources say the incident has left other patients rattled, with one elderly man describing the ordeal as “more stressful than the blood pressure cuff.”
At press time, the phone began ringing again, this time with a jaunty MIDI rendition of “Who Let the Dogs Out,” prompting the receptionist to consider pulling the fire alarm just to restore a sense of calm.
