Why Won't Anyone Paint My Murder Basement for $3.50?
GROVE CITY, OH — Local homeowner and amateur hostage negotiator, Doug B., is baffled by the lack of takers for his generous offer of $3.50 to clean, scrape, tape, prime, and apply three coats of premium paint to what he lovingly refers to as “my murder basement.” “All it needs is 72 hours of nonstop labor in total darkness,” Doug explained, pointing at the peeling walls, exposed wiring, and suspicious drain in the center of the floor. “That’s, what, like the price of a gas station hot dog? Seems fair.” ...