Politics

GROVE CITY, OH — Local sarcasm experts have confirmed what many already suspected: calling Grove City “Grovetucky” is no longer an edgy roast, but merely what people say when they’ve run out of original things to complain about. “It’s kind of like using ‘LOL’ when you’re not laughing,” said humor analyst Dale W., who has spent the last decade studying regional Facebook groups from a secure, undisclosed basement. “Calling it ‘Grovetucky’ doesn’t say anything anymore. It’s just a signal to others that you’re about to be vaguely mad about traffic, roast beef availability, or people existing.” ...

DOWNTOWN BROADWAY, GROVE CITY — In a stunning display of civic engagement, dozens of local residents turned out this weekend for the inaugural Grove City Complainers Parade, proudly marching down Broadway while airing grievances about everything from potholes to the weather. The parade, organized entirely on Facebook comment threads, featured handmade signs reading “SOMEBODY DO SOMETHING” and “WHY ISN’T THIS DONE YET”. When asked what solutions they might propose, 45-year-old Randy, wearing cargo shorts and a Bluetooth earpiece from 2009, replied, “What do you mean ‘I should do something about it’?” ...