A parody evolution chart starting with 'Toddler,' then 'Teen,' then 'Grown-Ass,' and finally 'Adult,' showing the 'grown-ass' stage holding an energy drink and yelling into a phone.

Experts Confirm: Anyone Saying They Are 'Grown Ass' Has Just Disproved It

BEXLEY, OH — A groundbreaking linguistic study released this week by the Capital University Center for Adult Communication (CUCAC) has confirmed that the phrase “grown ass” serves as a reliable linguistic indicator that the speaker is, in fact, not grown in any meaningful sense. According to the 42-page paper, titled “Lexical Overcompensation in Self-Perceived Maturity: The ‘Grown Ass’ Paradox,” researchers found a 97% inverse correlation between use of the phrase and the actual behaviors associated with adulthood. ...

October 21, 2025 · 2 min · 376 words · Editor-in-chief, Grove City Growler