Social Media

GROVE CITY, OH — In a bold but widely expected move, Grove City Community Facebook Group has announced it will officially rebrand as Lost & Found & Found Again, reflecting its primary use: reporting the whereabouts of various pets, packages, and patio cushions. Sources confirm that as of this morning, the top posts were: Lost dog (tan, maybe brown, possibly named Waffles) Found dog (not Waffles) Lost package from Amazon, possibly stolen, definitely disappointing Found cat — possibly wild, possibly angry Lost package (again, Amazon, again mysterious) “Whose dog is this?” (photo attached, blurry, definitely not a dog) Found flip-flop on Alkire — “not mine but seems friendly” “Mechanic ??” - possibly about a missing mechanic. Found dog (it’s Waffles!), but got away “I came here for city updates,” said local user Denise R., “and now I’m emotionally invested in a missing ferret named Buttons.” ...

GROVE CITY, OH — In a rousing display of modern irony, local resident Kelly M. logged onto Facebook Thursday evening to deliver a scathing monologue about the evils of giant corporations, moments before tagging three friends and checking Marketplace for discounted patio furniture. “I just think it’s disgusting how these big companies exploit people and take over communities,” Kelly typed, her fingers smudged with Raising Cane sauce. “We all need to stand up and support small business.” ...

GROVE CITY — In a bold show of efficiency over the most microscopic amount of effort, a local Facebook group member once again typed the ceremonial phrase “Please delete if not allowed” rather than scrolling the three-quarters of an inch required to view the prominently pinned group rules. The group rules, which consist of three bullet points (“No ads,” “No politics,” and “Be normal”), were positioned directly above the post in question. ...

GROVE CITY, OH — Local sarcasm experts have confirmed what many already suspected: calling Grove City “Grovetucky” is no longer an edgy roast, but merely what people say when they’ve run out of original things to complain about. “It’s kind of like using ‘LOL’ when you’re not laughing,” said humor analyst Dale W., who has spent the last decade studying regional Facebook groups from a secure, undisclosed basement. “Calling it ‘Grovetucky’ doesn’t say anything anymore. It’s just a signal to others that you’re about to be vaguely mad about traffic, roast beef availability, or people existing.” ...

GROVE CITY, OH — A Facebook post in Grove City Connect left readers stunned and emotionally off-balance Thursday after a lengthy, punctuation-free message from local resident Gina M. failed to convey… well, anything, really. The original post, which has since racked up 87 comments, read in full: so if your gonna be their then it’s like ok but your not when you said you was so like idk why ppl got to start stufft like that but I herd from someone who’s close too them that there not even aloud to say nothing bc the other thing that happened and ya’ll no what I mean if not then ok but I’m just sayin not tryin 2 start drama just bein honest cause it be what it be but ur the one who’s always got somehin too say and still hasn’t gave back my tarp ...